No. Never. I carry him everywhere, all of the time, day and night…
I mean, what a question!
The responses here are innumerable, although “it’s none of your business,” might be a good place to start.
Unfortunately this is a question many mum’s are asked frequently whilst also being told to put their baby down incase he or she becomes too attached.
Now, I don’t claim to be an expert; there are people much more qualified than I am out there. However, I would like to share what little knowledge I have on the subject in the hope that maybe one person – mother, father, caregiver – feels less guilty for snuggling up with their little bundle of joy.
Firstly, that little human you have created or care for is entirely dependent on you for everything. Literally everything, from feeding to wiping their bums! They have few ways of communicating and no understanding of a world they have only lived for a matter of weeks. When you hold them, you provide comfort and support. You are their safety net – something they very much need for healthy development.
Hold up! I hear some of the comments already; “You’ll spoil them!”, “They’ll never be independent!”, “They’ll be too attached!”
I can tell you now, research by psychologists (people who actually know what they are talking about, including Bowlby) demonstrates the opposite is true. Children who are supported and comforted as infants and toddlers are more likely to be independent and less clingy to their caregivers. Why? Because they have always felt safe, comforted and secure and consequently they are confident enough to take the risks associated with learning and development; exploring the world they live in without fear.
Secondly, holding your baby is extremely good for you as parents/caregivers. It supports the natural production of oxytocin in both you and baby, encouraging bonding and supporting your mental health during a period of huge change and transition.
Lastly, no, they are not manipulating you. I have been surprised how many times I have heard this with my second. Babies, yes we are still talking about babies, are not capable of manipulation. They do not cry to manipulate, they cry to communicate, it is the only method they know. They do not form connections between crying and being held. If they stop crying when you cuddle them, it is probably because they needed comfort from you in that moment.
Equally, just incase you need to hear it, don’t feel guilty for putting them down. You need time, rest. You need to have a shower, drink a coffee or just sit uninterrupted for precisely 3 and a half minutes before your services are required.
In summary, hold them. Snuggle them. They are small for such a short time. Enjoy every second.
Before you know it you have a preteen who thinks cuddles are for babies!
Mumma 2.0 